Their noses, Japanese say, are small and flat. What is surprising about this, to a Westerner at least, is that they say so in a disparaging way.
To a Westerner, a small nose is an attractive nose. Whereas Japanese will submit to surgery to have their noses enlarged, in the West, a nose job invariably means paring down.
Since a big nose is considered a cosmetic liability, a number of derogatory terms with which to taunt persons who have them has, of course, been invented. Snout. Beak. Nozzle. Banana Nose.
But the effect of the over-sized Western nose on the English language does not end there. Protruding as it does into the middle of the air, the Western nose tends to get brandished about. Pretentious snobs usually have their noses in the air. Ask one if he reads manga and he'll look down his nose at you. Offer him instant-o ramen and he'll turn up his nose at it.
Inquisitive, nosy types, always seem to have the furthest reaches of their faces thrust forward, the better to nose into othe people's business with. Others are so absentminded they can barely keep track of their own business. They can never find what they're looking for, even when it's right under their noses. Tell them to go straight on a one-way street and they're liable to get lost. So tell them instead just to follow their noses.
Like hub caps, large breasts and other protuberances, Western noses are susceptible to physical violation. As any movie-goer knows, the first bodily part Western roughnecks aim for is the nose. Hence the threat: "I'm gonna put your nose out of joint, buster." And Western kaka-denka have an advantage of sorts. They can just lead their husbands by the nose.
Size L noses do have more peaceable functions. If you want to know how many Westerners are in a room, count noses. Put two noses together, rub them sideways, and you have an Eskimo kiss. But this latter could be accomplished equally well—better, one is inclined to think—with a pair of Japanese noses.
"Some people," a saying goes, "don't know a good thing when it's right under their nose." Others, it seems don't know a good thing when it is their nose.
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